The Tyranny Of Belief

This past summer, particularly when asked questions about this kind of issue after the death of my mother-in-law, I came to a realization about my religious beliefs that has been a long time coming and that offered me considerable peace of mind in that regard. I determined that when it comes to what I believe about questions such as “Is there a God?” I don’t believe anything. I don’t believe that this is some sort of god or higher being or power, but, at the same time, I don’t believe that there is not some sort of god or higher being or power. It’s not atheism, since, as I understand atheism, that it the belief that there is no god. It’s probably closer to agnosticism, but, as I understand agnosticism, that involves doubting the existence of God and that’s not quite it either, since I don’t really “doubt” that there is a God, just as I don’t “doubt” that there is not a God. “Doubt” is too strong of a word. Rather than doubting anything, I simply don’t believe anything and I’m perfectly willing to accept that any of all kinds of possibilities may exist.

In determining this, I also realized that that is exactly as I like it. After years of considering and deliberating on this kind of issue, starting with my experiences growing up going to Catholic school, I was finally at peace with my beliefs or, more accurately, my lack of beliefs. So, I am particularly disturbed by the state of religious discourse in the United States. For instance, in December, as I read coverage of George W. Bush’s statements indicating that he is not a hard line creationist, along with the discussion board that accompanied that coverage, I was incredibly discouraged by the ways in which people forced one into one camp or the other in the ways that they discussed issues of religion. I had a similar feeling yesterday as I read a story about how some Christian clerics are upset with Barack Obama for including in his inaugural speech mention of “non-believers” along with various religious people when he said, “We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers." Given a statement that simply states that there are all kinds of religious beliefs, including lack of belief, among the many people who make up the country, it is quite scary to have religious leaders of some kind, like the Christian clergy quoted in the article, who want to claim the United States as only consisting of or only the product of people who believe in a god of some kind or, even more specifically, as only consisting of or only the product of people who are Christians. Where then do I fit into this and how in any way does that constitute democracy?

The issue goes deeper than the comments of these Christian clerics, though. Notice, for instance, the polls that appear on the website covering this story about Obama’s statement. The second poll asks one “Do you believe in a higher power?” and offers two options: Yes and No. Where, then, do I fit into that when I don’t believe in a higher power, yet I don’t not believe in a higher power, so neither “Yes” nor “No” really accurately sums up my position? Again, I don’t have a place and I have to wonder about the consequences of this for a working democracy. If the discourse itself is already being cast as a binary of either believing in a higher power or not, then the concept of “a higher power” and the need to believe in that higher power or not believe in that higher power dominate thought and expression and limit the available options for thought and expression. Those who believe in a higher power have a privileged position in the discussion. Those who do not believe in a higher power have a less-privileged position in the discussion, yet they still have a position. And what about those of us who do not believe, but do not not believe? … Apparently, at least if my case is anything like typical, somewhere in our mid-30s we finally figure out that the very terms of the discourse have had us spinning our wheels for most of our lives.